Poetry. About my cat's duties.

Litter Box
By Paul Klusman

A scratching sound in another room
Where buried treasures live
A box of sand to receive the gifts
My cat pauses there to give

Serves as warning for all to heed
An odor for all to know
The type of smell truly up
With which I will not throw

For if I hold my lunch at bay
The better I come across
Whenever near that hallowed place
My cookies I shall not toss

But rather go with scoop in hand
And tightly hold my nose
With grit and determination
Remove what cat bestows

As partners in an endless dance
A ritual that we do
Cat shall lead and I follow
Number one and number two

Fuck Cancer

Two pictures on either side of cancer treatment. The first one is back in November 2020 at the start of chemo and the last one is today, June 22, 2021 at the conclusion of my radiation treatments. In celebration of being done today I rang a bell and wandered up and down the halls of the treatment center yelling "FUCK CANCER!!" Nobody got pissed off or anything. Then I went outside and did the same thing for all the world to hear.

This has been a long and difficult road but I made it and I'm cancer free thanks to science and medical technology. I would describe modern cancer treatments as doing something brutal to your body in a very precise manner. It's just brutal enough to kill the cancer yet leave the rest of the body relatively intact. I believe in the future there will be more subtle ways to kill cancer that are less damaging to the body but this is where we are today. There is more healing to be done and continued work to get my strength back but I'm glad to be alive.

I'm lucky in that I've got a good survival rate but at the same time it's always discussed as a percentage of people who survive 5 years, or 10 years, or 20, and so on. My maternal Grandmother lived to be 104 and I always imagined I might live that long as well, but with this recent experience I'm not so sure. I'm 52 and I might live another 52 more years but I know my chances are reduced and that is ok. I will try to make the most of the time I have. That may include acts of great ambition and it may be sitting with good friends, visiting, and doing much of nothing.

Thanks so much to all the lovely people who healed my body and all the friends and family who supported me. There were dark moments along the way but none of it has been as bad as the worst things I imagined. I'm not done dealing with cancer - I face a lifetime of checks and scans and more treatments if it returns. But today I pause for celebration and say: Fuck Cancer.

Cancer Update.

Hello friends update on my continuing cancer adventure. Basic info remains as follows: Stage 4 Lymphoma diagnosed as a single tumor attached to my spine November 2020. Surgery removed much of the tumor and chemo/radiation getting the rest. I was declared cancer free after three rounds of chemo mid February with continuing treatments to make sure we get it all. Prognosis is 70% - 80% survival after five years not bad odds.

I am now several months past chemo which finished on March 22, 2021. I had a total of six rounds spaced three weeks apart. Overall chemo was much easier than I anticipated given many stories I had heard from other people. Different for everyone of course. I am lucky I never experienced any sort of real discomfort just very light nausea and slight headache the day after the infusions and then pretty much nothing from there on out. I did experience fatigue which started out mild in the first rounds and got more significant towards round six also taking longer to recover. The most surprising thing was how the fatigue lingered for several months after the chemo was done. Nothing that kept me stuck in bed but a noticeable drop in energy.

I am now just about half way through 23 rounds of radiation. This is every day Monday - Friday over roughly a five week period. The machine looks very much like an MRI or CT scan - a large donut with a bed that slides in and out. During the radiation there is absolutely no sensation just the noise of the machine as some mechanism circles my body inside the donut. The actual radiation is very quick just about 1 1/2 minutes of the machine running and there is more time in prep and getting the body into the correct position so that the “aim point” is right.

Radiation side effects are fatigue and swallowing difficulty due to spillover radiation on my esophagus. Overall side effects are milder than chemo. They will become more pronounced towards final treatments and most severe several weeks after treatments are done. So far I can drive myself to and from radiation treatments so long as the fatigue isn’t too bad. I may put out a call for rides if the fatigue gets bad towards the end. There is sort of a topical anesthetic available to help the esophagus if it gets severe. Radiation + chemo can take up to 18 months for full recovery. I may have some rough waters ahead but I'm looking forward to being done and getting my strength back.

I received both doses of the Pfizer Covid vaccine right at the end of my chemo treatments. I was advised to continue with social distancing, masks, etc. since the efficacy of the vaccine is unknown in people with compromised immune system. I did see one early study that showed people undergoing chemo have a 50-50 chance of developing antibodies. I will be getting an antibody test at some point to determine if I have any protection. Please encourage everyone you know to get vaccinated. Herd immunity is the only way I can have any protection if the vaccine failed in my body.

As you can see from the photo my hair is coming back. At the end of chemo I lost nearly every single hair on my body except arms and legs. After chemo the beard and eyebrows came back quickly followed by hair on my head and the rest of my body. I was told to expect the hair to come back curly but I think it’s coming in straight so no Napoleon Dynamite look for me. I've been shaving regularly for several months.

Thank you everyone who has supported me through all of this, particularly local folks who brought food and provided transportation. Cancer is different for each person but so far none of this has been as bad as the worst things I imagined and honestly staying isolated due to Covid was worse than the cancer ordeal. You wouldn’t believe how some people refuse to wear a mask AT A CANCER TREATMENT FACILITY DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. As much as I’ve seen truly horrible behavior out of some people I’ve seen absolutely lovely behavior out of so many others. Thank anyone you know in the medical field they truly are the heroes.

Please do not send gifts or flowers I’m nervous about receiving things into my house due to Covid. It’s still out there a local friend of mine tested positive a few weeks back. She is early 30s and ended up in the ER. Of course she wasn’t vaccinated so there you go.