Dear Kansas Legislators,
Thank you so much for passing a bill that allows people in Kansas the freedom to exercise their religious beliefs and discriminate against homosexuals. For it is written in the Bible that, "a man laying with another man is an abomination" in Leviticus 20:13.
I'm wondering if you would also take up the cause for other things mentioned in the same book of the Bible? For example, Leviticus 19:19 states "...nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you." I think this might also extend to cotton-polyester blends: (Ma'am? I believe your socks might not be 100% cotton, and that is an offense to my religion. I'll have to ask you to remove your socks and cast them upon the ground before I serve you this coffee.)
Leviticus 11:12 states that whatever is in the water that doesn't have fins or scales is an abomination, so we really need to crack down on people who eat the wrong kind of seafood: (Oh heavens me, do I smell SHRIMP on your breath? I'm sorry, but even with cocktail sauce, shrimp is STILL WRONG!! You will have to go home, purge, and brush your teeth before I can change the oil in your car.)
Leviticus 23:3 states that we shall do no work on the Sabbath, so we need to show people who work on Sunday what they deserve: (Hey young man, didn't I see you hard at work when I came into that waffle shop for breakfast last Sunday? You should NEVER serve waffles on Sunday. We all know maple syrup is from Canada but we live in KANSAS and love JESUS! Now get out of my liquor store!!)
Leviticus 19:9 states that it is wrong to harvest the very corners of a field of crops. It doesn't say how round you should leave the corners, but you know people cut them too tight: (So farmer Ted, you sure are proud of that new harvester aren't you? Turns pretty tight corners, doesn't it? Yeah you're a sick man. We all know you are just trying to get EVERY LAST SHRED OF WHEAT FROM YOUR FIELDS!!! Sorry but you'll just have to get that prescription for your cholesterol medication elsewhere!! I'LL BET YOU'VE BEEN EATING SHRIMP, TOO!! THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL!!!! REPENT FARMER TED!!! REPENT!!!!!)
I could go on with plenty more examples of sinful behavior from the Bible that needs attention from the good folks of the Kansas Legislature. Of course it might take days, weeks, or even months to draft and pass additional legislation like this, but don't we all want to exercise our religious beliefs?
Or perhaps we can just let people exercise the religion of their choice in their homes and churches as the founding fathers intended but not force that religion onto others. Perhaps we shouldn't pass legislation that encourages people to practice bigotry in the name of religion. Perhaps we should concentrate on legislation that seeks to improve the economy rather than demonstrate how backwards and narrow-minded Kansas is.